do you see what i see?

My baby boy is 2 months old.
It's been 2 years and 5 months since I had a 2 month old at home.
I kinda forget what they look like.
The pictures I have of Megersa are very 'up-close and personal'...which have been so helpful in memorizing his little face, but I really want a "body shot."
Because the pictures of him are just of his chest and face, he doesn't look that small, but yesterday I got re-aquainted with the size of 2 month old babies.
I went to a baby shower and one of the guests had a baby there...a 2 month old baby.
Then, I went to the store and the family in front of me at the checkout line had a baby boy in a stroller. I HAD to ask how old he was. I got the feeling, and I was right. "2 months old"
It's like when I was pregnant:
My eye was drawn to other pregnant ladies. I saw them EVERYWHERE!

2 months old is so tiny. 9.4 lbs is so LIGHT!
At the store I went looking through the baby clothes picking out things I thought would look cute on Megersa...then I'd look at the size...and notice it was '12 months' or '18 months'! I thought, MAN, I use to be so good at guessing!
So, I decided to deliberately look at the sizes and found something that was for an 8-12 lb baby. Sized, 0-3 months.
AWE! Sooooooooooo tiny!

Megersa, will you just stay 2 months old and 9.4lbs until Mommy can come get you? :)

((And just because I can't post a picture of my 2 month old baby boy, I'll post a picture of a 2 month old kitty! Look at his size compared to the orange! AWE!!!))

"The Call"

How did it happen? When did it happen? Where did it happen?
Those questions and more will all be answered! I'll tell you the story:

ONCE UPON A TIME...
It was a sunny, November day...Thursday the 5th to be exact, at 1pm (11am Adoption Advocates time).
I had JUST walked upstairs after putting Cale down for a nap, and sat down on my favorite chair (the barstool at our kitchen countertop) to do some internet surfing while I ate lunch. Before I could even open up the computer, my phone rang.
Now let me tell you, NORMALLY before I even answer the phone, I can guess (pretty accurately I might say), who it is judging by what time of the day it is, or what day it is. But, this one took me by surprise. I figured it was Tim...but as my eyes gazed to my phone, I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was:
Adoption Advocates!!
My eyes BULGED - you know, like in the cartoons (ahhhooooga!) - and I picked it up.
"Hello?" I said timdily.
"Hello, is this Kathryn Nester?"
"Yes."
"This is __________ from Adoption Advocates, how are you doing?"
"Good, how are you?"
"Fine, thanks. I see that you liked to be called Katie?"
"Yes."
(At this point in time, I still cannot tell you why I was so timid when I continued to answer. Perhaps because I had been dreaming about that moment for so long, my brain was in shock and not giving my voice box the shrillness I figured would accompany such an event.) anyway...moving on.
"I have a few questions for you."
"Okay?"
Then she proceeded to ask me about my I600A and if I filed for it. Which I had. She told me that she wasn't seeing a copy of it, and it's important for the child's visa when they come home.
WHAT?? My brain was screaming!
I quickly pulled out my folder of files and grabbed the 171H (the paper you get after you are approved for the I600A) and asked if they wanted me to fax it over today, as I quietly hyperventilated.
"There's no rush...we just want to make sure families have this so there is no delay in bringing children home."
"Okay."
Really, at this point, I was having doubts that this was going to be "THE CALL" but thankfully, she continued to talk.
"I want to tell you about a baby boy!!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...was all I could think!
She continued to tell me about my little man, where he was from and his background story, and she read his file to me. I interrupted.
"What's his name?" (again, I was so shy, it still kinda boggles my mind - as if this is an inappropriate question)
"Megersa"
:)
As she read through the rest of the file, I scribbled as much information as I could down on a scrap piece of paper lying on my countertop. She was going too fast!
I asked her to repeat some things for me.
"It's all in the file, which we will send to you, if you're interested?"
YES, YES, YES!
I had a few questions for her (but of course, now I can think of a hundred different things I want to know) and she answered.
Then she told me that she specifically remembered my baby the last time she was in Ethiopia.
"I remember standing over his crib with ____, commenting on how we hadn't heard the name Megersa in awhile."
It woke me up from my shock. He's THERE! She's seen him!
He's a REAL PERSON, and someday soon...he'll be home.
THE WEIGHT WAS LIFTED!
She told me that they would send the file asap. Then we hung up.

I called Tim at work.
Casually, to throw him off, I said "hey babe, what's up?"
"Not much, why?"
(then I got hysterical - it finally kicked in!)
WE GOT THE CALL!
Tim now, was in disbelief.
"No we didn't!"
"YES....his name is Megersa and he's 2 months old.....(etc)"
Tim still didn't believe me...but I told him to get on my Gmail account because we would be getting his file in the next few minutes.
We waited.
IT WAS TORTURE!
I think both of us hit the 'refresh' button, oh, 1000 times!
It was probably only 10 minutes, but finally, we got the file...and we saw his face!
(I TRULY wish I could his picture, but we can't until we pass court and are legally his parents!! :)
I must say, he is simply adorable!
Really...I can't stop looking at him.
I carry his picture around all day. We only have 2 pics, and that will probably have to hold us over for another month and a half, because no one seems to be traveling in November. BOO! Thankfully one of the 2 pictures was from that day.

Nov 5...referral day.

Believe me though, he's beautiful, and, to quote my friend Rachael:
"He looks like a million bucks!"
He does. He's perfect.
Anyway, we spent the REST (literally...I was on the phone all day - Cale got pretty perturbed I wasn't playing with him) of the day calling people and sharing our good news!
I couldn't stop smiling! And I was actually smiling so hard for so long, I had to take advil! haha!
I'm just so happy. Everything is better now.
People ask me how much longer till we travel and we say "probably another 4-6 months." They are usually really upset for us...but I say, NO! We've been in the process for 1 year, and it has been an uphill climb. We kept ADDING days to our wait, but now we can SUBTRACT! Counting down is SOOOOOOOOO much better than counting up (unless it's money, haha!).
THE HARDEST PART IS OVER!
I know some people dont feel that way, they think the wait is much more brutal after referral, but I disagree. The fact that I have a name, and a face, and some stats about my son is truly a gift. I can breathe deeply again.
To top it all off (as if this isn't wonderful enough)...my Cale seems enamored with "Baby Brother."
Megersa's picture is on the background of my computer and Cale gets upset when it's blocked by an email or anything.
"I wanna see baby brother!" It's just so cute.
He's totally butchering the name Megersa, but, let's face it...it IS a tough one.
Yesterday he was playing with my cell phone (which has his picture on the screen) and he told me he wants "Baby Brother on Mommy's pone."
I'm not naive to think that it wont be an adjustment for Cale, but I really think that next year, they'll be inseparable!

We have an appointment with an International Doctor on Monday to look over Megersa's file and after that we'll "officially accept"!!!
I will of course, be posting again soon!
Thank you so much to all of you who have prayed for us over the past few months! I know God has been using your strength because mine was often failing. I feel renewed and I praise God for this miracle!
Please continue praying for Megersa's health...there are some issues to consider, but we are confident that it's nothing we can't handle (with God's help, of course!)

THE END.

DO WE HAVE GOOD NEWS?????
I think we might! ;)
I want to tell the story in full when we "officially" accept.

I will tell you that I am experiencing so much JOY that I think my heart might explode. The weight has been lifted!!!
Thank you Lord. You are so good to me, and I don't deserve it.

So, check back at the beginning of next week for the story!!

analogies

Want to hear some adoption analogies I came up with?
#1 - ADOPTION IS LIKE:

A snail running a race.
Seriously...could you imagine suiting up...toeing the line with nervous excitement, taking off when the whistle blows, only to realize hours later (or months ;) that you're a SNAIL! You have put forth your best effort, and have been going strong for SO LONG, but, you're not getting anywhere! (or at least it seems that way!)
Being a snail at this point in time is not ideal...but you feel the compulsion to keep going. You're hoping to eventually get there!!!!

#2 - ADOPTION IS LIKE:

A rabbit that chases after the carrot strung in his face.
Again with the running. But, Paul exhorts us to "run the race with patience, the race that is set before us..." so the racing analogies are memorable, right? :)
Someone dangled this BEAUTIFUL carrot in front of the rabbit, and he wants it!
He has his eyes on the prize! I'm sure initially he thought if he kept his gaze focused enough, the frog would stop dangling the carrot, and eventually it would be his. Maybe he's losing confidence now? Maybe not. Each day brings a new set of emotions for him:
Determination to get the carrot.
Anxiety that the carrot may NEVER be his.
Hopefulness that if he continues strongly, he will be rewarded.
Hopelessness thinking this "experiment" will never end.
Sadness for the carrot, it WANTS to be his. :)
Patience to wait out the remainder of the race...........

#3 - Adoption causes a HEAVY heart.

It's so simple, but soooooo true. I feel like my chest is weighed down most of the time. When I pray, I really MEAN to pray about other things, but usually after a few minutes, I always always come back to my pleading prayer for this child.
The weight on my heart is astronomical. I need this burden lifted, soon, Lord!!
I think about this little boy CONSTANTLY. My mind teams up as I daydream of what it will be like to get "the call" and what it will be like to hold him for the first time....to introduce him to his brother, and show him off to friends and families...to feed him, and comfort him...(and the list goes on and on).
It's an INTENSE desire.

I bet I could think of many more. But I will stop with these 3.
You get the picture, right? :)
It will happen eventually.
I must BE STILL. Be still and know He is God.
My goal for these posts really are not to complain, but to show some true emotion as I take this journey. It is therapeutic, and I'm sure others can relate.

8

Care to guess what this post is about?
Yep. I won a game of poker with this hand! Isn't that great? :)
NOT!! (by the way - I think we should bring "not" back!, haha)

We made it to the 8 month waiting mark...almost 12 months overall. It's getting very very hard. We're so close to the top (at number 2 on the list), but I can't get my hopes up, because we only moved up one spot in one month. We could get our referral in a few days, or it could be a few more months. There are no solids at this point. I dont have much else to say about it. I could tell you exactly what I found out at our check-in, but...I'm not even sure who reads this anymore. ANYWAY. Trick or treating was fun with Cale today. It was pretty chilly, so I dressed him in a long sleeved shirt and a fleece jacket underneath his spiderman costume...he looked a little bulky, though he didn't seem to mind. It reminds me though of Jerry Seinfeld's stand up rountine about Halloween though - it's hilarious! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M523VCKvCVo

7 1/2+

Believe it or not, it's been over 7 1/2 months of us just WAITING. We're coming up on our year mark in about a month or so. After we announced we were adopting we've had friends tell us they were pregnant, and have had their babies already. It's just craziness. I was really feeling hopeful that October was our month, but now that we're hitting the halfway mark, I'm starting to lose that hope.
We've been told that there are MANY many toddlers waiting, but that doesn't really affect us, since they consider "toddlers" to be 2,3, and 4 year-olds.
We're planning to visit family for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I just can't face another family function without any news of our baby! It's TORTURE! I soooo want to have good news to share!
Prayerfully, we will!

Mr. Cale

Lets have some fun. Adoption aside, let's talk about Cale.
Here are some things about him you may or may not know about him:
1. He is OBSESSED with plugs. Plugs, ipods, dvd players, fans, wires, etc...anything electronic, you name it...he LOVES it. We have a gigantic playroom filled with all kinds of toys, but what do we find him doing? Carrying around an old ipod that does work, and some earphones that only have 1 functioning ear like a security blanket. It's bizarre! It may be too early to predict, but I think we have a mechanical engineer on our hands. :)
Sure, I took these pictures today, but it's indicative of the everyday occurrences.I actually took this one first but he couldn't even look up to say "cheese" because he was engrossed in the plugging of the plugs.
2. He has no problem when I drop him off at the nursery. Outside of our own church nursery, I do childcare for 2 big churches, and Cale is in a separate classroom from me; but even without knowing the kids, the teachers, or being familiar with the room, he marches right in and doesn't look back. Sometimes when I come to pick him up he tells me he's not ready to go home yet. There are good and bad points to this of course....the good: I don't have to drop off a weepy, screaming mess, and he always gets good reports from anyone who watches him. The bad: I don't think he has developed "stranger danger" yet.
3. I don't think he looks like either one of us. I mean, sure...the blonde hair and blue eyes lend people to think that he looks more like Tim, but really, I don't know. Tim's eyes are much lighter and his hair is much darker. Cale has Tim's ears...that's definitely all Tim!! His size though he gets from my side of the family. My largest uncle is over 300lbs and is 6ft 5in. The rest of the men in my family are various degrees of huge as well.
I mean, look at the stats:
Birth - 7 lbs (and 3 1/2 weeks early, at that!)
2 months - 14 lbs
5 months - 21 lbs
1 year - 27 lbs
2 years - 36 lbs, 3 ft
2 1/2 - well, i don't know yet. He just turned 2 1/2 today!! :)
I'm sure the measurements are monstrous though!
I actually did a little predictor of Cale's height (something on babycenter.com), and at age 18 he's suppose to be like 6ft 2in. CRAZY!!
Anyway, here is a family pic of us taken in June. You tell me who he looks like.

4. His hair is INEXPLICABLE!!! I mean it...and if you've seen him, you know! It doesn't lay down. It doesn't grow down, it grows OUT. I mean, it's insanity. He looks like he has been sticking his fingers in those plugs (which he hasn't...they are plugged up...I am a responsible parent). When we go out in public, that's the first thing that people comment on. "Whoa, nice hair!" chuckle, chuckle. Yeah, yeah. Why not buzz it? Well, he sported that look for the summer, but we're trying to see if it'll lay down if it had some weight to it...and it's much colder now.
Yes, he looks hilarious...I found it very amusing to draw on his face with chalk, and he let me, so why not? :)...but, note the hair:

I feel like I know what you're thinking: put some gel in it, or hairspray, ANYTHING! Well, I must tell you I've tried it all...gel, hairspray, wax, mousse, even baby oil (I AM a hairdresser people...product was the FIRST thing I thought about).
He's still cute though, right? :)

5. Lastly (and I'm choosing this to be last...I really could go on forever!...perhaps on another blog post), he is LOUD. I mean it...he has 2 volumes: off and LOUD. There is nothing in between. We've tried to teach him to whisper, but lets just say it's wasted effort.
I mean, folks, he's doing it right now. He's sitting across from me, shirtless, with an empty Airwick air freshener and he's yelling "I FOUND BIG PLUG MOMMY...MY PLUG IT IN?" He says "my" instead of "I"..."my mow the lawn," "my take a shower," "my sit there!" It goes on and on.
Ahhh....that's my guy. Well...one of them. I will soon have 3 guys and I LOVE IT!!