...the pity pot.
i have been sitting on it for quite some time, and must be completely honest in saying that i haven't (until now) noticed that perhaps it was affecting other people negatively. this blog has been my outlet for my grumblings, so that in real life i would remain a "normal" person, but i in no way intended it to be a soley a source of negative feelings. as i read over my posts, i look at them as whitty and sarcastic (of which i am both on a regular basis...lol) BUT i've failed to notice that my posts might actually be biting to others who are experiencing joy in their adoption processes. not that i'm not, it's just hard.
it was a really tough thing too when i was trying to get pregnant. i have fertility issues, so it was difficult for me to see others who were able to get pregnant without any problems. that may sound like a bizarre comparison, but it really has been how i've equated my behavior.
it's not like i'm not happy for others, it's just that i've been having a hard time showing it.
so here it is folks...i'm going to get off. and flush.
flush away the negative feelings towards our wait and the jealousy i've unjustly felt toward others whose process was perhaps, smoother or less stressful financially.
my charming husband challenged our congregation with a wonderful message today about following Christ's example.
the last point is really what got to me.
the thought is based on understanding that God gives us what we have. He CHOOSES who gets more wealth, fame, fortune, looks, etc. he chooses our (man-made) "luckiness" and who are we to question why? that struck me today as a revelation. thinking to myself, why would i ever complain about my situation? i have no right to! God has been wonderful to me and my family, and i need to start "rejoicing with those who rejoice!"
though i won't go back and erase all the posts i wrote that sound bitter, i will say that through this adoption experience (even blogging) i've been taught so much about myself and been forced to grow in ways i didn't think possible.
so, to end this, i must say congrats to all who have gotten referrals, congrats to those who've passed court recently, and a HUGE congrats to those who will get to travel soon.
one last thing. i'm going to need help with this. since it seems as though there are alot of people who read this blog (which is awesome!), please let me know if i'm straying back to my 'cynical' attitude. i have a tendency to do that, so i'd love (well, not exactly LOVE), but i need to be called out on it. THANKS!
1 comment:
Katie, I think that for many of us that tend to be "negative" it can be so easy to sit in it. I am battling that now as I have spent so much time in ridiculous jealousy. God is teaching me too that the way to truly be happy and content is to be grateful. Maybe that's why the Scriptures are constantly reminding us to do everything with thanksgiving. It's so hard to get caught up in all the things we don't have that we forget all we do. In the Passover Seder that many Jews around the world celebrate there is a part of the service where the participants read off all the things taht God had done. "If you had only led us out of Egypt but not given us the wealth of the Egyptians- Dyanu" Dyanu means "it is sufficient". If Christ had only died on the cross but not given us children...Dyanu. So I am with you in this exercise of positive gratitude.
erika
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