news.

To quote a fellow blogger friend, "I have news...it's not THE news, but adoption news, nonetheless."
Okay, the news -
I wrote to our Director for my 4 month check-in. I have also called AAI, but I have yet to hear anything back. And since I feel like it's easier to 'copy and paste' then to recap the things that have transpired, that's what I'll do.

ME:
Hello.
I'm writing in for my 4 month update. I know you're on vacation, so dont feel like you need to respond until you get back. My questions remain the same from the last month.
Is it likely that I will receive a referral for an infant boy before the July 15 fee increase?
Am I near the top of the list?
I understand that referrals are going out to the last 2 DTEs in January, and that February was a busy month. Are there many families before mine waiting for a boy? Many like 10? or 5?
I know the severity of the conditions in Ethiopia, and we are praying for rain for them (among other things). I also pray that court dates and referrals can continue because of it.
Any information you could give me at this point would be greatly appreciated.

On a side note, I just finished reading "there is no me without you" and I must say that I felt a huge swell of pride when your name and AAI's reputation was mentioned. I know people recommended the book, but I didn't know exactly why. I want to tell you that it is wonderful to be working with you...a notary in that book, and it really makes me trust AAI and their love for the children.
Hope your resting well and I look forward to hearing from you when you are back.

HER:
Hi. It could go either way in terms of a referral for you before the middle of July. We will be offering every baby in the nursery, even if we don't have a complete file--so think about accepting a baby without a complete history. Of course if the file is not complete and a family changes their mind later due to information that was previously unknown, it is OK, we would just make another referral. I don't know how many babies are in the nursery now.

ME:
Hello again,
With regards to the information you gave yesterday, would you be able to clarify something for me?
You mentioned that every baby in the nursery will be offered, regardless of completed files.
Does this mean every baby that is in care as of now, or up until July 15 (regardless of how long they've been there)?
Also, what kinds of things would be left out of a file...is it mainly medical information?
And because I am unfamiliar with the referral process, I have another question about how the process will work for families to get referrals before files are completed.
Am I correct in guessing that AAI will get basic information on each baby, and then make referrals, sharing completed information when it becomes available?
Thanks for answering my questions. We are definitely open to accepting a referral before the files are complete, if given the opportunity.

HER:
Katie, the details are not worked out yet, but I want folks to know that we are not going to hold back referring any babies in order to get a higher fee by referring after July 15.


So, what do you think? Is it a possibility? I am trying not to buy into the hype, but it's hard not to. If they are only 12 families in February (as we were told by a fellow OAEG friend who called for her update last week). Boys and girls. It looks as thought there are at least 4 families waiting for girls that we know of (and by that I mean that they posted their time line on the big AAI board). So that leaves at the very most 8 families waiting for a boy. Again, I can tell you that the fluid and the numbers don't always mean anything because people are requesting siblings, or girls and then may switch to an infant boy, etc. But...on the OPTIMISTIC side, 8 is not a lot right? There's gotta be at least 8 little baby boys/toddlers without a family over there, right??????????
I want to say yes.
Yes!!! And before you know it, I will be the Mommy of one of them. :)

confronting the monster

I have a pet, and his name is Jealousy. I dont care much for him, but he won't run away no matter how much I try to ignore him and make him feel unwanted. He's a pest and unfortunately grows no matter what kind of garbage I give him. Jealousy finds food even when I try to hide him away. I'm trying to teach him to obey...to be a good pet, and listen when I say "stop!" or "no!" but it is very difficult. I'm hoping in time he can be trained. I feel frustrated with Jealousy, but I also feel bad for him because he doesn't understand why he must not act this way.

Okay, Jealousy the Pet doesn't exist, but sometimes I wish it did so I could make excuses for it's behavior.
Have you ever felt happy for someone and upset for you at the same time?

Here's me. A little girl, obviously happy for her auntie or whoever it is, but jealous of her man's congratualtory kiss!

I'm so incredibly happy for some of my friends...I have one who just came home with her baby. HOME...with baby! Since I don't even have a referral, I can't really even picture it. Another friend, 2 months ahead of me, had her referral in less than 4 months, and about 3 months later is at court. She may be traveling in a few weeks! I hope to get a picture of our baby in a few weeks. There are others who I dont know well, who have referrals in 3 months and a few days. I remember thinking before my 3 month check in that I was SO CLOSE! Now, staring into the business end of our 4 month phone call, I am nervous of what I will hear.
This may make me seem like a bad person, but I really AM happy for these people.

When I was smack in the HUGENESS of pregnancy, I remember feeling jealous when people gave birth to their babies. I counted the days I had left, so anxious to be done and to have him.
But when I got to hold Cale for the first time, after the long pregnancy, and the painful C-section, I thought, how could I have complained? He is the most beautiful little baby I've ever seen, and INSTANTLY my trials turned into joy.
I know at the end of this process I will think and feel the same way.
Until then though, the Lord is going to have to get me through! And I know He will. Here are some awesome verses I found on the topic:
The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride (Ec. 7:8).
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the body (Pr. 14:30).
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice (Js. 3:16).
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Th. 5:18).

I've decided I'm going to give Jealousy to God. He likes stray pets, right? :)

there's something missing...

So, we're in Ohio for Tim's brother's wedding. We arrived last night after a long car trip with a certain little boy who slept less than an hour the whole way... ho hum.
Anyway, the visit has been very nice. The rehearsal dinner was tonight and of course, tomorrow is the wedding. Cale has met a bunch of his extended family so far with more to come...
Tonight was fun and casual, the dinner was first, complete with a pizza buffet and lots of appetizers. Before desserts were allowed, David and his fiance Amber were instructed to introduce their families. David started with his parents, brother Jon (and kids), Renee (and kids) then Tim, Cale & I, after which we all dug into brownies & cookies. The rehearsal was short, which was nice (especially when you have 7 kids under 7 "hopped up" on sugar) and then we left.
As we drove back to his parents house, Tim and I were talking and I started telling him that even though we've been surrounded with adults and kids these past 2 days, I feel like there is someone missing. I count up the kids and I know the number is right, but I feel like a piece of the Family Puzzle not accounted for.
When you're adopting, it's not like you're visibly pregnant, so people don't ask you "how you're doing" or "when you're due"...and to be quite honest, we don't hear much at all sometimes. But we are PAPER pregnant! ;) We want to talk about our new baby and everything that details him!
Tonight Tim said "I feel like I should tell everyone, This is my wife Katie, my son Cale, and we're expecting a baby from Ethiopia" ;) He thought that might seem a little strange...haha. If people don't ask you, do you mention to them you're having a baby? I may have, but it's been awhile. Most people wait until they are 'sure' you're pregnant (and not just fat) to say something; but I'm not carrying Him in my belly, He's here in my heart, so how will they know?!
Tonight my niece Willow suggested I wear a name tag so she can remember me. She told me it should say "Aunt Katie, Cale's Mommy"...the more I think about it, the more it sounds like an excellent idea. I think I'll display it proudly, right over my heart and also add "Jace's Mommy (ask me about it)!" It may add up to a long name tag, but it just might work, and then I can feel like my "whole" family is accounted for. :)

expired coupon.

Today I went shopping with my friend at Kohls Department Store. A store I like, but tonight a store I loved. I loved Kohls tonight because I had a $10 coupon! Ten dollars off a ten dollar purchase. That's it...no other purchases required. No hidden tricks. I know this because I use to get this coupon in the mail for a few years running, but last year I didn't get it. I was disappointed, but THIS year, I got it. So I went to the store on a mission to find something that I just loved, but was still cheap, so that I would walk away with a really great deal! Well, I found it. It was a beautiful light-weight gray sweater. I could use it for a few chilly summer days and for fall & winter. Very flattering too. :)
Anyway, I get up to the cash register and she rings up my sweater...$13.20! I would only have to pay $3.20 after my coupon was processed. The cashier asks for the amount, and then I proudly present her with my coupon. It takes her a minute, but she looks at me and tells me that it expired on June 4. "What is today?" I asked. "June 5th" she tells me..."the coupon is expired." Expired? NO!!
I know this sounds crazy, but to me that feels like throwing away $10. I tell her to put back the sweater. She offers me 15% off if I use my Kohls charge card, but I say no, and I well up...I almost started to cry.
This probably sounds nuts to people reading this, and as I walked out without my sweater, I kinda felt nuts for almost having a meltdown because of it...but then, my thoughts raced to where this was stemming from:
I think my 'almost' hysterical behavior came from the thoughts that have been swimming in my head recently. The thoughts and the unanswered questions about my Baby. When can I anticipate seeing his face? Where are the referrals? No one has heard anything about baby referrals in more than a month. I feel so helpless just waiting and not knowing what I can do to make it go faster. Then I realize, I can do nothing. It is what it is. It's like my expired coupon. It feels like injustice, but I know deep down it is not. I know I'm not next in line for a referral, but I had hoped to hear something in June. Will we? We just don't know. People ask me what is going on with the adoption, and I just don't know. I can't explain to them what I don't know. I'm waiting, but in the process I often well up, about to cry. I long for this Baby. I long for you, Jace.

for Jace

This past weekend we had our huge Garage Sale for Jace! Many of our friends donated their unused stuff to us to sell. We had a great turnout both days with wonderful weather! I feel like I've been living in my garage the past 2 weeks (sorting, pricing, setting up, tearing down, boxing). It's crazy! Even now, I spending time in the garage. A good friend of mine has offered to have a sale at her house to sell the things that didn't go. This is wonderful because she lives in a different city and her house is located right off a main road. I'm anticipating much more traffic there! We're hoping the sale there in July goes as well or better than this past one! The Lord has truly blessed us and I want everyone to know He has been protecting us during this economy, making it even possible to adopt! He is AWESOME!

3 months

Well, it's been 3 months and 5 days that we've been waiting for Jace. I called and emailed for my check-in and got some news, good and bad. Good that referrals should FINALLY be going out in the next few days, bad that we probably won't be on that list to receive one quite yet. The hope is by the end of June. It's so crazy how each referral timeline is different. I know someone who waited 5 months for a baby boy, and another 3 months and 2 days. I am still praying we get our referral before we leave for Ohio to visit Tim's family. On the surface it seems unlikely, but God can do BIG things...He knows our little guy and wants us to be together EVEN MORE than we do (which is ALOT)! I will of course, be thrilled to make the announcement, but in the meantime I need to trust God's timing. His thoughts are better than my thoughts and his ways better than my ways.