Homesick

Can you be homesick for more than one thing at a time?
Can you be homesick for a home you haven't left...or a home you've never been?
Can you be homesick in the place of someone else? How about for someone you've never met? Can you be anticipate being homesick, and become homesick?

Well, I'm sure this is all debateable...but I'll bet you can guess what my answers to these questions are:
I say yes. One person can experience all these things.
And now that I'm living them, I can say that it's possible to feel all these things at the same time.

We are leaving IL in 5 days. We have not moved out yet. I haven't really had to say "goodbye" to any close friends yet...but I'm already homesick thinking about it.
I honestly can tell you that I didn't think it was going to happen. I've been SO focused on Megersa and the 'next step' in the process to bringing him home, that I hadn't noticed that time was zipping by...the clocks still work, and the calendar is correct, it's just that...I guess I haven't been paying attention.

I feel like I became a women in IL. Sure, that sounds silly. I moved to IL when I was 22...I had been married for a year...and I was a college student (somewhat ;) - that should classify me as an adult women, shouldn't it?
Well sure. Technically. But, I don't know.
I've experienced so many things in my life here.
Tim's first job - (and our first apartment that wasn't married student housing).
Becoming a Mom. Whoa...that one was HUGE! I think after you become a mom, you instantly grow up 10 years in maturity (or you should).
When you become a mom, it's like something "clicks!"
You realize that God has blessed you with life. One of His children is now in YOUR care, and you and your husband are the sole providers for them. That's a tremendous responsibility!!
I made a lot of long-standing friendships here.
You know, high school friends, even some college friends were good 'for a season' - in that time of life friends were the most important thing...and there are a few I still keep in regular contact with, but not really the character-building women I've grown to know and love here.
And I hadn't really thought of how things would affect others THROUGH Cale. Cale makes friends so easily. He wears his little heart on his sleeve, like his mommy. He's got some buddies here that I'm sure he'll ask about when we're in MD...but I hadn't contemplated people really missing him that much!
That sounds bad. Obviously people have said that they will miss us...but I mean, specific to Cale. I have a friend whose son is 3 weeks younger than Cale. Patty and I were pregnant together, and were due a day apart. Cale and Hogan have been playmates for almost 3 years...so when she said to me sadly, "Katie, I always thought our boys would grow up together..." it was heart-breaking.
Maybe I'm just noticing things now. Like the look in our Pastor's wife, Joni...(who has been an awesome example to me, and has been a surrogate Gramma to Cale) as she was playing with Cale, saying how much she'll miss him....
And our adoption process started here. It's so very hard to walk through this process without friends holding your hands...I've been so fortunate to have that. So telling them thanks for playing, but I can't share the prize, was hard. :( The ticking of the clock is a countdown to when I'll be homesick for IL.

But I'm kinda homesick for Maryland. I am excited about the opportunities, the close proximity to my family in PA, and the new friends I hope to make. I'm wanting it to feel like home, so that when I come home from Africa with Megersa, we will ALL be home. I just want to get there...and start settling in.

Can I be homesick for Cale, even though I haven't left him? I've only been away from him for 1 night, on 2 seperate occasions. And before you think I should "cut the apron strings" please note that I really haven't had much opportunity. Am I suppose to just leave for the sake of being gone?
That kid is the biggest part of my life right now...it'll definitely be hard to leave him for any extended amount of time.

And I'm homesick for Megersa. I have been since the first day I saw his picture. I want him to be with me so much...but I know I'm going to feel so badly as we leave on the airplane. We are ripping him from the only thing he knows. His country, his people. The sights, sounds, smells....this is a lot to take away from a baby.

Of course thinking about being homesick, makes you more homesick.
Honestly!
At camp, when kids would start to cry at night, I started thinking about them being homesick...and inevitably I would end up homesick too.
Tim said we should take things "One step at a time." I agree.
But this stairmaster is on HIGH!!
Can we re-set it?? :)

I'm so thankful that I have God to help me through all of this time of transition. I can lean on Him, and the awesome husband he gave me. I'm not sure why the wave that I've been staring now feels like it's suddenly crashing down on me...but I'm glad that I have a life preserver.
These verses have been swirling around in my head:
Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. - Eph 6:10
What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. - Psalm 56:3
Your love, O God, reaches to the Heavens...your faithfulness, stretches to the sky. Psalm 57:10