Square Dancing

I want to start off by saying that God's blessings REALLY are new every morning. These past few mornings, especially so....

Now, to the story:
*Square dancing is the one where everyone switches parnters, isn't it?
Let's pretend yes, so the title fits. :)

Tim is no longer going to ET. His father is not going to ET.
But, Tim's mother is going. And I AM GOING!!

Okay, so you might be thinking that all the previous posts have said that Tim was going, and how I was so okay with it, and how it was the best decision...etc.

And you're right. The decision for me to stay was based off these factors:
1. My biggest priority would be for one of us to stay with Cale. (I do not think he is ready for a huge move & his parents to leave him for a week.)
2. Tim had decided that he was too uneasy about letting me travel alone with just one other female. He said it was either the 2 of us go together, or I stay home. (And because of rule 1, I planned to stay.)
Tim's reasonings were good - he wanted to protect me. He felt like having a male there (whether it be him or his father) would put his mind at ease. But, he hasn't been in touch with traveling families. I explained to him that many women travel alone, or with other women. It was safe. I still understood and respected his protective side.

So, how did things change, you ask?
Well...I guess it all started when I got the email stating we could have traveled on Feb 24th. Though I think it was all IN LOVE :) - perhaps I went a bit overboard "being sad" and pestering Tim if there was ANY WAY we could get Megs at the end of Feb. He was feeling really upset by it all.

Now, before I finish up the decision-making part of this story, I'll have to tell you, that throughout this past year I have "checked-in" with Tim (oh, probably about a 100 times) as to whether or not he's changed his mind...and would let me travel with his mother. The answer was always the same - with me, or nope (and I went back to Cale needing to be with one of us). So...in case you are thinking that I'm a wishy-washy, spur-of-the-moment decision maker, please know I am not. NOT on the big stuff anyway.

I've watched probably a hundred episodes of 'A Baby Story' (mainly when I was pregnant with Cale), and I was always touched by the miracle of birth - no matter to who, or how it came about...BUT, I would really cry when I watched the episodes that were devoted to Adoption baby stories (they are few and far between though).
When I saw the mother waiting in the room for her baby she had waited SO long for - and then they hand them to her...I mean, who WOULDN'T cry?! It's so touching.

Anyway, I guess I've always pictured that moment after we started the process...and it'd be me, with our Ethiopian baby. Before we received his referral - and maybe before I fell TRULY in love with him, I thought I could persuade my mind that the moment would be just as magical when Tim came off the plane with him.
And, if things hadn't changed...I'm sure it would have been.
((You know, I had a C-section, and wasn't able to hold Cale right away, which would have been my first desire -but I couldn't touch him until I was all stitched up. Even still...the moment I DID get to hold him was still magic.))

So now that you know the desire I've had since the beginning of the process was rooted deep, I can tell you what transpired to really change Tim's mind.

The night that I read the email about Embassy dates, I layed awake thinking of the possible scenerios - was the time that it 'clicked.' A loop in the rule system...
If I couldn't go without a man...I COULD still go...AND have someone stay with Cale.
I'd just go with BOTH of Tim's parents, and he could stay home!
Truthfully, I'd prefer to go with just his mom, but it followed both rules, right?

I sorta made up my own mind (and if Tim is reading this, I'm sure he's nodding his head) that I would go. That was the NEW decision....
Note: I'm not some head-strong women. Generally my "new decisions" are based off of things that I feel pretty confident that Tim will eventually 'come around on'- ie: Megersa's name. :)

So I told Tim that I figured out a way to go. And that I wanted to go. I needed to go, and that I think I SHOULD go. :)
I told him I'd like him to seriously think it over.
And if we're being honest, I think that initially he said Yes because he wanted to 'silence' all talk of the Feb 24th Embassy date...AND that he was starting to think it'd be okay. :)
He told me I had to call his mom and ask if she still wanted to go. Then, not 5 minutes later he adds "and maybe you guys could go without Dad."
WHAT?? I was baffled!!
When Tim asked his father to accompany him months ago, his mom offered to go with as well...but because I feel strongly that I should be the first women Megersa attaches to, I kinda put the kibosh on that. I did feel bad though, because I know she wanted to go...
Soooooo, I called. But I kinda got mixed signals from her. Months back when I explained the reasons for me NOT going, she very nicely questioned my decisions (repeatedly so). Looking back, I think she might have been trying to play the devil's advocate (and perhaps this time as well) to make sure my decision was the RIGHT one...and I guess I see her point.

But, all in all - Megersa's my son...he's Tim's son. We get to decide how best to care for him, and even if it's a snap decision (which this isn't, as you can see), it's ours to make.

I got off the phone with her feeling very confused. Did she not want to go now? I guess I wouldn't go if she didn't want to. I was feeling pretty bummed.
But as I drove home from the gym, I called Tim and he said "My mom REALLY WANTS TO GO!"
"Huh?"
But then he told me the analogy that she gave him -
I guess when she was first 'asked' (whether it was by accident or not) she got her hopes up way high. - And I think this is really awesome...don't get me wrong! So when I told her gently that I'd like for me to be the first women he bonded with, she was disappointed. And now "she was like a dog, with a peice of raw meat dangling in front of her face" and she doesn't want us to take it away...her words.

That kinda convinced me. Because that is a vivid analogy! ha ha.
So, she told me that she'd ask "Dad" if he thought it'd be okay if we went just the 2 of us, and she'd get back to us. Tim said that if Dad thought it was okay for HIS wife to go with just another women, then he'd be okay with his wife doing the same.

So she asked Dad and his exact words were something to the effect of "yeah, I dont care if you go alone with Katie!" AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!
If you are me, you are imagining the MONTHS of torture Tim endured, and I put myself through, over this very decision - only have it come out the way I had originally dreamed! It's madness!! :)
But...that's what been happening over the past few days.
We've been square-dancing.

I do want to add that Tim said something super-intuitive, and super sweet recently with regards to this. See, I really do feel bad taking this away from him, and kept trying to "nudge" his feelings out of him on the topic. He told me that he was disappointed he won't be going, but he could tell that I am IN LOVE with Megersa in a way that he doesn't understand yet. He knows it means the world to me.
I love my husband!!

And since this story has gotten OVER-THE-TOP long, I will continue another day with our flight schedule, travel dates and our dilemma over where to stay.
Thanks for following along, and if you've made it this far...I'm impressed!

ps. Did you check out the ticker?? 1 month until our Embassy appointment! AHHH!!