budgeting....

So Tim and I started this new "system" to try to curb our spending. Instead of using our debit card for food and household items, I've been given a bi-weekly budget, in cash. When the cash is gone, it's gone until next pay period.
This is the first 2 week period we started it, and we'll make adjustments accordingly...and we'll NEED to. :)
Continue story:
While I started out this adventure thinking that the amount allotted to me would be no problem, I quickly came to the beginning of week 2 with less than $10 in hand.
As this is the night before pay day I can state that we are currently out of:
milk, eggs, bread, juice, crackers, fruit, cereal, meat... and many other "filler items" that we don't REALLY need, like snacks and desserts. :)
Thankfully we're going to the bank tomorrow and DIRECTLY after that, the grocery store to stock up! I love love love having a full fridge and pantry!
As this experiment has been kinda fun (to see how long we could go - and I think it's long enough! :), I was struck with the weight of this whole project. Though we are out of things, and we are waiting to cash Tim's check tomorrow, it's not like we CANNOT go to the store. If we needed to, we could move money around.
I thought about that freedom.
Coincidentally, Tim asked me what I was thinking about, and I told him that I was mentally preparing a grocery list.
No big deal, right?
Well, my thoughts continued to go from there. For dinner tonight Cale had the last of the rice crispies and milk. The fact that the milk was gone, just seemed so final. (We currently only have 3 people in our house and we go through at least a gallon of milk a week, sometimes more!)
I started thinking about Megersa. I don't know his birth mother's reason for giving him up, but I'd like to think it was because she was hoping that she was doing what she thought was best for him. Perhaps she couldn't provide for him. He was estimated to be about 3 weeks old or so in his first report, and I wonder if his birth mom kept him as long as she could provide milk for him.
I mentally put myself in her situation (as best I could)...and the thought of not being able to provide food or milk for my children TORE at me. It broke me, and I crumbled. I started bawling there in the car just as we were pulling in to church. (And if you know me, you know I'm not a crier.) I had to suck it up, and frantically wipe off my face before entering.
But I was having a hard time. See, I cannot even IMAGINE the heart-wrenching ache a mother would feel in the pit of her stomach to watch her baby crying from hunger. Then making the choice to give him. The poverty that would come with such a decision is devastating.
I have to admit that normally I'm the type of person that pretends the world is full of marshmallows and rainbows. I don't really like to watch the news, and I never watch violent movies (even war movies) because I like to think that those kinds of things don't happen. (Stupid yes, I know.)
But, falling in love with Mergersa has forced me to open my eyes up WIDE to situations that I could never imagine myself in. I stare at his little picture ALL day and I love him so much already. I couldn't even fathom having to give him up.

God has truly blessed me. Not just with food and clothing, but with my husband and 2 sons. Lord, with your help, I will NOT take what I have for granted.