Unexplanable.

I ate the elbow of the bread today...or the heel, whatever it's called.
If you're my husband, or someone I grew up with then you'll know that this IS a weird statement for me to write.
I NEVER eat it. I actually dont think I've ever eaten it (unless I turn it facing in on my sandwich when there is absolutely NO other option, and it LOOKS like a normal sandwich). I think it's repulsive. It's all small, and curled in (and burns when you toast it). I save them for Tim to eat. If he doesn't eat them - I throw them out. I won't even make Cale eat it...because it's weird.

So, why did I do it?
I DON'T KNOW!
I also don't know why I feel LESS prepared to get Megersa then ever.
And I have no real reason to feel that way.
-Our house is unpacked. Completely. It took me 5 days.
((I'd say that's GOOD!))
-My bags are packed for ET. I need to check everything once more, and purchase either a fanny pack (it's funny just to write that!) or a money clip, and that'll be that.
-Megersa's room is totally done...set up, with clothes in his dresser, diapers out, with the appropriate baby creams, bibs, toys and bottles put away. I've washed down the exersaucer, bumbo, and the fabric for the bouncer, walker and car seat.
It's ALL ready!
-Tim's feeling great about his new job.
-Cale is adjusting well and can't wait until it's warm out so he can go swimming at the community pool.
-I've painted my nails, waxed my eyebrows, and even got a spray tan (I know, I KNOW...I'm ridiculous - but I HATE looking pasty in pictures! :)...but still, I dont feel prepared.
My mother-in-law is going to arrive tomorrow night, so I hope that'll kick-start my "GO" drive, but I'm not so sure.

Will this baby like me? Will he resent me for taking him from his country? Will I be able to juggle two children? Can I handle the logistics of flight and travel?

Where are my friends?? I feel sad.
I miss them.
When my really good friend Mandy moved from IL to CA; I was sad, she was sad, but I didn't know how she felt when she told me she was lonely...because I had our other mutual friends.
And now my friends still have each other, but I'm all alone.

I'm confident that I have some budding friendships here, and everyone at the church is SO nice and supportive, but for right now...I'll need to quote Cale again to say:
"Something's weird."
I hope this feeling changes soon.
Maybe I won't feel prepared until Megersa is put in my arms...and then the world will seem right...because then I will KNOW that this is real.